So in order to help increase my writing skills one of the main things I can do is write even when I don't always have the ambition. This blog is a way to update friends and family as well as expand understanding on how I feel and view things.

That being said, this has been a topic that people ALWAYS like to bring up with me. Some people get offended when I say I do not want to have children even BEFORE I say anything. I hate to tell you, but just because I do not want to have children does not automatically put me in the category of I immediately hating kids. I don't. But I do have very strong values and opinions on kids and raising them when it comes to ME. 

This particular blog isn't about criticizing parents. It's not about what I feel is the right way to "parent". This is about me and my view and in no way am I a parent. In writing this, I'm not inflicting on anyone else's stance or opinion on having kids but PLEASE bear this in mind when talking to ME about ME having children. Everyone ready with their pitchforks guarding their babies and children close to their chest? Okay, let's go! 

1. I think kids deserve the best 

When you have a baby enter your world, a lot of stuff is going to change. Anyone who wants to keep things the same way I feel is very selfish. You can't do that because with a baby or child THEIR needs need to go first and therefore since what they require is much different from you....things are going to change ...and they need to. The moment that baby enters your life perspective will change for the good and some for the bad. Perhaps there will be doubt, regrets and yet happiness and joy all at the same time. But this isn't the issue I'm focusing on.

What I focusing on is the lifelong journey that you have entered and you are in it for the rest of your life. The kid will go ahead of you because this child needs to be guided, loved, and taught. In order for these things to happen, that takes determination, accountability, dedication and love. Kids will learn as they grow and in that process it can be very trying. They learn and observe you and they will be quick to know what buttons to push. There is a bond that is started and it will begin to wear and strengthen at the same time. Emotions will be sky rocketed and set at ease within a few seconds because it's your child whom you are seeing growing and it's your child who wraps his or her little arms around you for comfort when moments before they were smearing peanut butter on the door (Sorry, Mom and Dad). 

This very journey has never appealed to me because I have definitely had the thoughts of creating memories with a child and helping her (I've always imagined a girl) grow and learning faith and about God. But at the same time, life isn't about JUST those precious moments. There is a lot of dedication and responsibility that goes in child rearing for those moments and beyond. And I think kids deserve every ounce of that within our hearts. But I've never imagined having a child and really wanting to have a child. I've never been the child who said, When I want to grow up I want to be a mom. I played with dolls but when I wanted to do something else I did just that. 

And this is not to say that when you become a parent you can't do anything. Parents need to get out and have hobbies but all of that comes after your kid. I know a very dedicated mom who is a military wife but before that she was a soldier in the Army. She loves her daughter so much and she is a very kind and gentle mom. But she has her dreams too. She's not using the fact that she's a mom as an excuse for not doing what she wants to do. She accepts it and embraces it. I know some other moms who are the same as well. One recently became a nurse. The point isn't that when you become a mom or dad that all you love and want to do stops. The point is you have to produce that much more determination and dedication. 

2. You can't trust this world as much as you could in the past and it's constantly changing 

I would love to be able to live in a world where there weren't awful stories constantly on the news. Where you could let your older children play outside in your own backyard and not worry about them as much, checking on them from time to time. 

But this world isn't like that. A long time ago, you could give trust and then see if it's broken but now you have to worry about who you trust. I don't want to have a child and be so guarded as a parent that I prevent them from enjoying things kids should be able to enjoy. The freedom of being outside and not constantly in your parent's eye view. (This is referring again to older kids). The freedom of having secrets with friends and not having them posted on texting and social media which then leads to parental checking (and for good reason). 

And in relation to the social media kids are constantly exposed to more and more things the younger they are. Changing technology is huge. Part of it I understand. My dad had a record player and I think I even had one particular record that we would get at the library and listen to when I was really young. (Carebears) I didn't really use records but I used cassette tapes and then when I was 12 I got my first CD player with a Backstreet Boy soundtrack. 

Some people make fun of the kids today who struggled to figure out how you use a cassette player or comprehend that there was a limit to the number of songs that played on it. But honestly, it was the same with us. We changed from cassettes to CDs and most of us probably didn't listen to records as much as our parents did. But that music industry isn't the only worry here. Technology in computers and cell phones and tablets are constantly being upgraded. Even if I don't want my kid to have a cell phone at the certain age when her friends all have one (and I'm sure my kid would be the one complaining but so and so has this why not me?) she would still be exposed to it. Unless I completely shielded her from the things I don't want her young self to be exposed to because she's young and shouldn't be exposed to it at certain ages, she would still be exposed. Now I can't tell the future, but I highly doubt if my husband and I had a child that we would be isolated from technology and home school. I am not homeschooling! (I would be a bad example for school work) 

I don't feel parents have as much control over their kids today versus in the past. Please don't assume I mean parenting skills. Every single generation always complains of the next one being more lazy yada yada. The point is....again...we have MORE exposure to everybody else's life in this day and age then we ever have before. And that's why I think people want to complain of parenting skills and kids. 

I do agree that with the technology and the fast paced life particular of Americans yes children are becoming more greedy and again I don't think it's just the parenting skills. I think it's more and more people in general. Have you seen just how many advertisements are posted....everywhere? Stores, tv commercials, radio commercials, social media...you get the picture. When one child gets something, more children are attracted to it...just like adults. 

And something that you see a lot with Americans is competition and...not growing up. Adults being better than others. Having this or having that, it's really tiresome and sad. Not everyone acts like that, but so many times I constantly see it with people my age or older than me. People really struggle with how to handle their problems. So many people talk about adult problems in front of kids nowadays and as mentioned before it's very hard to shield kids all ready. Kids don't need that especially in this world. 

One of the best examples of this, I read in a book about Corrie Ten Boom. She was very young and she asked a question that required an answer older than her age. Something that currently she could be spared of and learn later when she was older. Her father asked her to carry his brief case. She tried her best but she couldn't lift it. He told her that right now the answer to her question is too much to carry and that she should trust her father to carry it for her. One day she'll know the answer when she's able to carry those kind of subjects. 

3. It's not about being a perfect parent but my kid deserves a prepared one

I'm not a parent so again please understand this from my perspective. But I don't think books are going to prepare you as much as experience clearly. But being prepared in this case I'm not referring to books and I have hardly any experience with children (pretty sure babysitters club books don't count) let alone babies. I am scared of holding babies. I want to but I don't want to stress them out and make them cry. So I'm that person who waves from a distance and if I can get the kid to smile my job is accomplished. 

Since I always do things a little differently, this would be one of them. I mean prepared as in sitting down and making lists (I became fascinated with making random lists ever since my husband went to basic). Lists of goals of what I plan to do for the future for myself but especially for my kid. Being prepared means knowing ahead of time. Planning for potential things that may happen. Now, you can't be prepared for everything especially when it comes to kids. But being prepared as in simply thinking ahead like first aid even or spare clothes. This part is really hard in explaining and I don't want to make it more complicated so I'll leave it at this. Being a wife in the military you can't be as prepared as you want to be. And I've never experienced moving till I was older (college moving to dorm and then married life moving to another state). I know moving impacts kids a lot and I know moving can be really hard. If I ever had a kid, I would want that to happen after the military life. 

4. I'm very comfortable with just having myself and my husband

Now when I made point 1 this kind of touched on it. I'm open to admit I'm selfish as well. I want to spend time by myself doing things I enjoy and learning while also spending time bonding with my husband. I like strengthening my relationship with my husband. I enjoy working on writing my series (which would be hard with a baby). I love learning new things from soap making to learning about faith and life in general. I like discovering things about myself. What I really feel is important and my values. This is one of those topics. 

That's pretty much it. There are probably some things I've missed like children take money...a lot of money (toys, clothes, new clothes when they grow out, items kids use, school, college loans which I'm still paying off $32,000 some and I don't want to have to deal with the money issues) but I think you can get the picture. I wrote this because I've felt judged by people when I tell them I don't want to have kids. Usually people who give me this feeling answer with this short, "Oh." And then the conversation stops because they aren't sure what to ask or talk to me about. I don't mind explaining because these are MY reasons for myself. And if some of you are wondering about my husband he has been in agreement as well. He does not want kids. We talked about this before we got married. Before you get married, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THIS TOPIC! It's big deal and it includes the rest of your life. 

I want to say thank you to my cousin Tiffany. She is a great mom to her kids and she's a hard worker. She was one of the many who talked to me a few times about having kids. But she didn't do it like most people. She was curious but she very much wanted to know how I FELT. She was one of the first to really listen fully to why I felt the way I did. She didn't judge me and the best part she UNDERSTOOD my concerns and she didn't ride them off like so many others. She did of course say her side which is something I encourage in any relationship because I think people should be able to say their sides both parties included.

And I understood her love of children and especially her great kids. I could see her perspective in why children are amazing blessings to your life as I always thought and she understood my concern that kids deserve the best and I don't trust this world. I feel this world despite some good keeps getting worse. I may change for the better but I can't stop the world from happening. I can't stop my child from seeing dark things (not to say that I want to prevent all bad things from happening because that's how kids learn but again as said I do feel there is a time and place and some ages do not need to be exposed to topics at those ages). 

I end this with saying one of the last things she told me in the deep conversation I had with her. She told me that no matter what make sure it's my decision no matter what people say or think that whatever I choose to make sure it's my decision. So if there are any of you like me who don't want to have kids and you share some of my reflections just know that not everyone out there is judging you. And yes, there are MOMS and YOUNG MOMS and NEW MOMS who understand exactly how you feel and will not judge you. 

And last I want to give a shout out to all of the moms both new and experienced. I can't imagine how busy your lives have become or the joys and hardships you have shared with family. But I want you to know that I think you're doing great. I think as long as you tell yourself that there is a little person out there (no matter the age) that belongs to you that's ambition enough. You pull energy out of no where (and no I don't mean the coffee pot). You are a team player, a food critic (dirt doesn't go in your mouth), a comforter, a hero (get those bad monsters out with monster spray) and so much more (you've seen the pictures that list all and beyond of the many tasks you amazingly perform without question). It takes a lot to be a mom. And I appreciate you for giving your all and your best to your child. We need more moms just like you. 

Note: I'm particularly referring to moms not because I have a thing against dads it's just if I became a parent I would be a mom and I wouldn't know what it's like to be a dad if that makes sense.