Sunny Lane

Standing While Broken

Trisha — Thu, 04 Dec 2014 03:16:04 GMT

Sometimes in our lives, while we are standing, a storm will rip through and knock us down to our knees. Often during these times, we want to plead to God to help us, to change the situation, to take it off our hands. Very recently, in my own life, things have seemed, more than ever, that the ground beneath me was shaking. Just when I thought I had a stable ground everything began to shake around me. Tonight I heard the phrase, when we make plans God laughs. I am beginning to understand how true this is.

All in twenty four hours everything seemed to crash into a wall. Feelings of dread, anxiety, and uncertainty swept over me and through me. I constantly felt a cold wave within my chest as I strove to find answers and reassurance. I knew this was one of moments we as believers talk about. The moment when doubt arrives and what are we to do when we struggle. For people to just say, turn to God is a simple answer. But that answer does not involve the feelings and actions needed for the people going through the situation.

For many nights, I struggled falling asleep. My mind whirled around with questions and thoughts of the future. I talked to God often about everything. I thought of how He frees us and I wondered when would I feel free? But I also reminded myself that God has a plan, no matter what happens. And that sometimes we must continue and push past the pain and fears so the glory of God is that much more stronger. God keeps His promises I reminded myself. I continued to fight back instead of let my worry and doubt take over.

It was hard. My dreams repeated the issues I struggled with never finding a satisfactory answers. In the daytime I continued to praise Him. That's right...praise Him. God is stronger than anything I will ever face. He is known as the impossible for a reason. His will....will always be done!

It is always in the times where we are thrown down and become vulnerable that our souls determine whose side our hearts are on. I've long since decided that it is not about me, nor going to Heaven. It is about God and His glory. It is about Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It is about others and their needs. The moment I was experiencing has been one that I have been preparing for. The moment when my faith is challenged. The moment when my heart breaks because I am human. The moment when I choose whose face to turn to. The world's or God's?

One night as I struggled falling to sleep and talking to God. I asked myself to lay out the feelings I was struggling against and tell me the opposite of those feelings because the opposite of those feelings is exactly what God can do! I felt uncertain, but God is certain! I felt worried, but God knows the way! He holds the key to the map of my life! He is the Alpha and Omega! I felt doubt in myself and my faith. But God is the TRUTH and I do not doubt God. I know, believe, and have faith in Him! I may not trust myself or my own faith because I am weak. But He is forever strong! AND HE KEEPS HIS PROMISES! He keeps His word!

Shortly after this night, I reminded myself that God is our King, our Father, and our Friend. Psalm 46:01 "God is our refuge and strength, an very present help in trouble." If He is all of these things, then why do I struggle? This is why faith is so hard I believe. Faith is seeing beyond. And so I imagined how would I feel if Someone told me that everything was going to be okay. That He had a plan and He would take care of me. If a person had that much control and power I would surely want to rely on their words so why couldn't I immediately do that with God? When I imagined God telling me the same words He has kept in the Word, I felt more secure. I may not see Him but He is just as real.

He is always by me. So when the ground fell around me, I just needed to look up to see Him standing in front of me protecting me. The middle of last week I was starting to break away from the pain and uncertainty I felt. Sure everything was falling around me but the one solid piece of foundation that wasn't, was the the piece my Lord held still. Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

Last night, doubt crept in slowly and I shouted in my mind, "GOD KEEPS HIS PROMISES! HE PROMISED ME HE WILL KEEP HIS WORD!" My doubt retreated. When pain strikes and doubt comes at us it can really take us off guard. I do not believe that the Lord will immediately take away all of our pain all the time. I believe that sometimes He needs to see where we are with Him. We need to be willingly to look up to Him and to KEEP praising His name. Even in darkness the Lord will make light come!

I am not strong, but my God is! I cannot move a mountain (not by the faith of a human) but my God can! (by the faith of God). I do not always have the words that need to be spoken, but my God does! I do not always understand but God can!

I took a break from my writing after completing Melissa's Test Run A Light in Darkness. I started writing Lesley's Test Run and I took a break when everything began falling. But through my own writing, the Lord used it to show me He indeed has heard me.

In Melissa's A Light in Darkness there is a scene where a character has everything fall around him. The Dark One uses this as moment to remind him of his pain and it in turn makes him extremely vulnerable. Eventually he cannot take the pain anymore and feeling helpless he snaps. Some of my test readers felt that this scene was almost too fast. Part of myself wondered the same. Until everything fell around me.

The pain felt unbearable with the doubt of certainty. And even though it was struggle for me to keep pushing myself beyond it I knew God deserved His glory. He deserved more than what I was feeling even when I was struggling. If He keeps His promises then I did not need to keep worrying. But as I sat on the floor in tears talking to the Lord the scene I had written a month before flashed before me. And in the moment, I understood exactly how my character felt. Helpless.

He felt helpless because though he tried to change and become better things and people were against him. He couldn't see a way out. He could not see help was still there for him. But me on the other hand, I did have help.

Even if I had the Dark One telling me all of the issues of uncertainty I would face, I had the Great One (God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit) right by my side telling me HE could handle it. The whole point of Melissa's story as the title says is A Light in Darkness. God used my writing to speak directly to me and not just my readers. He was showing me that in my moment of darkness THERE WOULD BE A LIGHT!

When I started writing Lesley's test run, her character is all ready broken and struggling. It helped me work on some of panic I was feeling and it helped me be honest. I knew that what I was dealing with others had and were experiencing. Without knowing that the title I decided for Lesley's Test Run would also speak to me too, God did. Lesley's Test Run is Standing While Broken.

The Lord taught me, as He has been working with me through the years, that is okay for Him to hold the whole map while I hold a blank sheet of paper. Bit by bit, He will provide the pieces and I'll see more. It took me a long time to accept not knowing everything of what is meant to be and what will happen. (Sometimes I still struggle). But God knows so much ahead of me. I tell others that He is the best hands to be in. I need to tell myself that more often. He promises to take care of me. He promises He has a plan and a reason for that plan.

I am not the First and I am not the Last and for these reasons if I knew everything that I wanted to know it would be too overwhelming. For this reason, I am glad that God knows all. I am glad that much more that when He does reveal pieces, whether help with my series, His lessons, my life or others it is that much more appreciated. Jesus is the way to God and Jesus says that He will give us the desires of our heart. He says that if we ask in His name He will do it for the glory of God. The more I ask Him to guide me with God the more answers I receive in various ways.

I close this blog saying this, the second day of my struggle before everything had calmed down and peace was fully given. I was internally battling my emotions. It was a cloudy day and we (my husband and I) were driving through town. The day reminded me of the past and it was a good memory. Then streams of sunlight started to come through the clouds. I felt that God, even in the moment of my darkness, was reminding me He would be there. I felt special just thinking perhaps...just perhaps He let those streams of sunlight come through just for me. He was giving me my Light in Darkness and it was the very beginning of Him teaching me what it meant to Stand While Broken.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

He gives strength to the weak and rest to the weary

Trisha — Wed, 22 Oct 2014 03:33:08 GMT

So often in our lives we become discouraged. Life drags us down. People drag us down. We drag ourselves down. But you know what, God never does. I know many struggle with the idea, that God places hardships in our lives (and He does). But God will NEVER do anything without a PLAN and a PURPOSE! And if He starts something He will finish it to the end.

Philippians 1:06 And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."

A Life Not Forgotten Because We Continue On

Trisha — Tue, 30 Sep 2014 23:12:21 GMT

I write this with a heavy heart for those who are in pain and grieving. My home church family has lost someone who impacted our hearts. I feel for the family and for the friends of Isaiah. I feel that the only thing I can do and that he would want is to reach out to those with comfort. So I will begin with this scripture from Jeremiah 17:7-8

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Isaiah was very young and yet he did something that many question in their lives. He did something that many do not do in their lives. He lived to the best of his ability and not only kept it to himself but he shared his life with others. He wouldn't want people remembering him and being sad. Rather he would want people to remember him and be happy for the time that was allowed.

I struggled when I heard the news and I'm sure I'm not the only one that struggled with doubt. I was uncertain and I had questions I placed to God. But everything just whirled around in my head and it made me tired trying to come up with answers. There is scripture that Paul discusses and he pretty much says that we shouldn't try to explain or understand all of the things that God does. God chooses what He allows for a reason. And Jesus did not place that burden on us, to understand the impossible. Matthew 11:30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

When I finally let go of my uncertainty I gained relief. Relief that Isaiah is in the best hands possible. Peace that he got to meet God and how wonderful it must be to be in that kind of presence. Peace that those who are hurting right now are not alone.

Isaiah's passing is not in vain. Not only was he truly loved by so many but he loved many. Song of Solomon 8:07 "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away." He shared his life with others and reached out to them, whether through a hello, being present at an event, or simply living the moment with others. Isaiah left us with one last gift as a wake up call. His care and impact on others should awaken us to life.

To not just stay in the darkness and be weighted down by pain but to go in the sunshine and share that light with others. Isaiah did much in his life, whether he knew it or not. He was young and he had his own questions and uncertainties but he never let that stop him. He was uplifting because he uplifted others.

He had Someone he believed in. Psalms 46:1-3 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give away and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its water roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."

No matter what happens in life, I believe Isaiah would agree with this scripture, Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Instead of a final goodbye, this is only the beginning. May we reach out to each other when we struggle and when we see others struggling. He was a great kid and he did the best he could in reaching others. He wouldn't want anyone to be feeling bitterness or sad. That just isn't the kind of person Isaiah was. He showed compassion and forgiveness, lessons that we should take with us and not leave behind.

I once told him, in a long conversation I had explaining something, that it doesn't matter what age you are when it comes to God. God can do great things no matter how young you are. He told me thank you.

Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

This is only the beginning. He passed the baton to us in this race. May we continue to hold our heads up just like he did and is.

Vacation Realization

Trisha — Tue, 30 Sep 2014 19:44:28 GMT

My vacation with my family was wonderful. I had a lot of great things that happened over the vacation and I had precious friends venture out to meet up with me. Through it, a lot of things happened. I was looking really forward to coming home for multiple reasons and one of them being the fact that I could reconnect which the hometown I grew up as a child. It helped inspire me with the story. And speaking of my writing, I have continued and the pace is much faster now.

Also speaking of my writing, there was a time when I decided to give all of it to God during the trip. I have a special connection to the story of Jericho and the seven walk. I did a seven walk when I first dated my to be husband. I did a seven walk my junior year of college with God because I wanted to learn more. My husband and I have grown a lot together and I believe the seven walk, which means we walked around the land seven times so that our "Jericho" could fall down, was always a reminder to keep trying. When I did the seven walk with God, as a junior, I went over the problems I had with my relationship with Him. The things I missed and the things I wasn't happy with that I wanted to work on and the things I was happy with. God began to show me deeper lessons through scripture and even in my dreams.

The seven walk simply means that we are willing to face the difficulties that we have in life. When I was home, I wanted to do the walk again. I wanted to give God my story because it means a lot. I want Him to be glorified and I want Him to be able to reach others through it. So in the symbolism that has always been part of my relationship with Him I walked around the church 12 times.

Each time I focused on a particular word such as faith, humility, trials, tribulation, joy, cleansing etc. These words I have chosen from before. My story has a connection to the 14 terms I came up with in representing a relationship with God. Thus, I wanted to give it back to Him. However, the walk around the land was a little more difficult than what I had expected.

At first when I arrived, there were really dark clouds. I asked God to give me sunshine to start the walk. Within five minutes, the clouds were gone and the sunlight lit up the area. I did not bring water with me and I had not ate just yet that day. As I walked around with my stomach grumbling, I said the scripture "Man cannot live by bread alone." At the same time I said this scripture, my thoughts became calm.

You see, I had been thinking I would not be able to do the walk. It was too long. I had no water. I had no food. The sun was very hot and I was definitely getting a tan. But after I said that scripture, I realized it was the same scripture Jesus said to Satan when Satan was tempting Him. Matthew 4:3-4 "And the tempter came and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." But He answered and said, "It is written, 'MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.'" "

I was definitely being tempted with quitting. I was being pushed with becoming tired. It was a lot longer than seven walks around. But always throughout my life, God has been very symbolic. He's reached me through symbolism a lot. At the same time, I reach Him with symbolism. I think I was on walk 8 or 9 when I was focusing on the word faith. It will take faith for me to continue to write and trust God that He will provide the words and the lessons for me and future readers. It will take faith for me to trust God, no matter what happens in my life.

During this round of walking, there was a bird that I believe was a falcon or hawk maybe (yeah I'm not really sure). But he was flying just ahead of me. Whenever I turned (because the way i was walking was in the shape of a rectangle) the bird would turn the same direction and always remain just ahead of me. I thought of the scripture "there the eagles will be gathered" and then just as I was finishing up the walk of faith to start another one, the walk of tribulation, my iPod starting playing the song "Faith is hard to find" by Skillet. And then when I looked up to see the bird flying ahead of me, I saw on the power line there were three other birds. And all of them were doves.

I really felt that God was listening to me and that He was hearing me. During the walk, I had asked Him to walk with me. In as much as I try to give God symbolism through jokes or writing, He always outdoes me. And I'm perfectly okay with that. :)

Originally I was planning on walking 14 times around but the area in the story and in real life that represent 13 and 14 it's one piece and it's why the two words are rejubilation and unity. It's together as one. When I was finishing up walk 11, the clouds were really rolling in and I knew I would not be able to do 14 times. But then I realized the importance of 13 and 14 being together and I told God that would represent the way I drove home. A final connecting conclusion to the walk. So I only had one more round to walk. I told God that as long as I did not see lightning I would finish the walk.

It was sprinkling about halfway and then the final half it started to rain more. The wind was blowing and I did hear thunder. But I never saw lightning. And by that time, the rain was so refreshing, as well as the wind. And as I finished my final walk, I told God that life and trials are just like that. We must go through the wind and rain to see Him. And He can teach us that even when things are hard... that it will be okay in the end.

My walk around the land reminded me with writing and life that as a believer I need to keep pushing through. And that no matter how hard it seems, whenever I am at my breaking point God will always provide just a little bit of refreshment to keep pushing me. And even if I do not immediately see or feel that, I need to push my relationship at Him so that I can see Him more clearly. He promises that He will not allow our ankle to stumble but we must also keep our promise that we stay near to Him so we won't stumble. Psalm 37:24 "though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand."

He always understands and provides

Trisha — Tue, 19 Aug 2014 19:50:30 GMT

God never ceases to amaze me. My scripture last week that I relied on a lot was 2 Timothy 1:07 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." I've been experiencing anxiety and uncertainty. Jesus spoke of our anxiety and our worries. He told us that we shouldn't boost of tomorrow because we don't know what can happen today. And it's a great example, of worry and being anxious about things in the future.

We have no idea what may happen in times to come. So it's truly pointless to try to push along the way with weights of uncertainty holding us down. My last blog touched on uncertainty and I believe He knew in that time that later on I would struggle with uncertainty. I needed to put faith and trust in Him. It's something that needs to be done every day. We can stumble often, but God never does.

Even in darkness and hard times, we have many things to be thankful for. This picture describes it best.

And it's so true. God always has a plan and a purpose. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking ahead and I remind myself that it's impossible for me, a human, to get ahead of the Alpha and Omega. I think often He plays little jokes and reminders on me to show me just how strong, loving, and glorified He is. With my relationship with Him, I always have the thought of having a child like faith. The importance of it and the power in the faith of a child. It's unbreakable.

And though of course, when we become adults and should put childish things behind us, I think there are some parts of our child likeness that we should keep as well. I think as we age and get older we put up walls to always be the one in charge. Children believe and are comforted by the fact that there is someone watching over them. They learn insecurity later. We, as adults, need to keep that child like aspect as well. This is also part of having a faith like a child.

We tend to freak out, panic, get upset, or angry when we are not in control. When we don't know the answers, we struggle. As an adult, we are (I suppose) assumed to always be in some form of authority of ourselves and situations. So when we have to take a leap of faith, we struggle. But God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (He) understands this. We have some many scriptures He gives us of comfort. To trust in the unseen that He will provide for us. In our relationship to Him, our commitment means so much.

All of the times He has provided for me, when I knew or only saw it later. For those times, He looked out for me and I never thought of it, or was aware. To give an example, I know He watches out for me when I drive. It comforts me a lot to know I have Someone is ahead of my car, by my car, and following behind my car. Just two days ago, it was really dark and I was growing afraid from it. So I asked God to please be my eyes and my ears, that He would go ahead of me to protect myself, my husband and animal or human involved. In less than a minute, I saw a deer on the side of the road. After it happened, I realized just seconds before what I had asked God. I've been trying to include that aspect in my daily life. The Lord is on all sides of us, if we just give Him our complete trust He WILL take care of us.

Just like the hymn God will take care of you "God will take care of you. Through every day, all of the way. He will take care of you. God will take care of you." He will take care of us. May we never forget He is always near and ever willing to show us just how close He is for His glory. :)

Why am I so focused on writing my series?

Trisha — Wed, 06 Aug 2014 20:09:44 GMT

Every time I have tried to explain this concept it always gets twisted and complicated. There are a lot of factors as to why I want to write the series. Writing, especially when you start out, is not a favored "job" among many. I've experienced a lot of different opinions and thoughts on my choosing to write. I do not always speak the best when talking to people face to face. And I can always explain myself better in writing. So let me take the time to finally fully explain myself.

I had an early blog about my writing explaining some of the symbolism and I will lightly touch on that now but will not be as extensive because it's not needed here.

1. God

First and foremost, my writing since when I really got into writing poetry at 13 has always been focused on God. Now, I'm not saying that writing in itself isn't one of my hobbies. It is. But I'm focusing on the series. And God is the reason that I am preparing to write the series. (Since working on the test runs and overall stories for the entire series)

He has always been there for me. I do think sometimes in life maybe there could be things that happen that do not show a connection. But God always makes Himself extremely clear. When I was four, that was the year I gave myself to Jesus. I was by myself when I did this, by my swing set. I've always said that I feel it was a marker from that day to show that God would always be the One to lead me. Even when no one else understands or understood why I did or do the things the way I have and continue to do, God does.

It was this SAME age that began my fascination with creating the game of what I called "The Four Roads." It was simple and my immediate family would know just exactly how fascinated I was with it. I got teased a lot by family and friends and classmates because of it. It was my thing.

I got older and I went from having a childhood game to just using the number 14 and the colors I gave to associate the 4 mains parts to connect with God. My graduation cake for college actually was a picture of the Four Roads because He taught me a lot of symbolism and lessons through it. It was always "our" connection that no one else had and no one else understood as easily as I did.

I believe He gave me that concept when I was four to now work on this series. To expand it beyond just the number game and beyond the imaginary team I played with when I was four. This will be my crown to Him. And I can't and will not let anyone else's expectations of me get in the way of that, family or friend. I will put God first and this will be His. This is for His glory.

2. Others

In saying that, throughout my life, God has always touched on my heart to reach out to others. I've always been the one to listen and eager to help with advice. I've given advice beyond my years, not in the bragging sense, in the sense that I will talk to someone and my words will help. Then I'll look back and be like...did I just say that. There are no rights to bragging because this is not my strength alone.

This is God's way of showing me that He will speak through me. This is His way of letting others know that He hears them. We are called to be bearers of Light and if we are then He surely will show through us. And beyond everything I want Him to speak through me.

I'm like Moses. I need an "Aaron" to speak for me. And I think that God has provided that through my writing. I told God that as long as I have Him to guide me with HIs words, even if it's hard, I will let Him speak through me. In saying that, He has placed it on my heart to reach out particularly to the misguided believers.

Jesus says that it is worse for people to know God and turn than for those who never knew God. There are so many hypocrites in this world that tarnish faith. There are false shepherds that even will turn the elect away. And this is scary and sad. And it is also this misguided believers that harden the hearts of those making it so that they never want to have a relationship with God. They see the hurt and pain "believers" give to others and of course they think why God would do this?

This series is to help reach to both sides. To those who don't have a relationship and yet maybe they still want Someone to help them but they don't want to be like the hypocrites. To those who need to get shaken in their ways and faith to see that humans are NEVER meant to be the Judge of people's sins and where they end up when they die.

It's to show that through hardship, we can survive through it. What it means to be a good shepherd and how to reach out to others in the right way without being self righteous. It is for everyone that I write this series for. To help give a piece of hope in the midst of darkness, hypocrisy and stone throwing believers.

3. Testament to myself

This series is teaching me trust in God. I know concerns of some people. That I am a housewife and that I do not have a job. My husband and I are comfortable right now with me being a housewife. Especially with putting my new goal of writing a page a day, I am quite serious about this. This is one of the few things in my life that I really care about. And with modern society, being a housewife purely taking out a child factor, isn't really looked upon as right unless you have a child.

But I never said, that if my husband came to me and said I needed to make some extra cash for us, that I wouldn't do that. Something that I know people may struggle with me saying is that God has always provided for His prophets and His disciples. So many people put trust in money and others, so why is it so wrong to put my trust in the Alpha and Omega? I think this is why scripture says many know love and they have it but who has true faith?

Faith is going beyond what we can see. If I could see in the future, if I knew that this series would be a success would others view my decision differently? But we can't know, and uncertainty is something that man was born with. It causes fear. But the God that I believe is certain. And so instead of placing what I know in the hands of money and others, I will place what I do not know in the One who does!

I've said it before and I"ll say it again. This isn't about money. I want to glorify God and I want to reach others. But I believe God will provide for me and for my husband. He has gotten me this far....this far why should I put hope in anything else. I still have my degree. And speaking of that degree...

When I started to write I was 13, that was also the year that I wanted to go to a Christian college. I wanted to go to it for years after I decided when I was 13 that I would go there. When I was a junior in high school, I was all about a creative writing degree, not the best choice in many people's opinion. The college that I longed to go to for four years did not have that program. My mom insisted however that we still check out the college.

I was very upset because I was just so certain about this college not working out. Needless to say, that is exactly what happened. We went and I opened up by bringing some of my writing. We found a professor in journalism but she also touched in some other aspects of writing. Before she even read my work, she torn it down. She said I would get no where with my writing. And that was a clear signal finally to my mom this was not the college. Certain vs uncertainty.

Now, the college that I did attend to I was like many students and I did change my major. I just didn't like the structure and the conforming for the writing program. That isn't to say that it is a bad program, however, that was just my personal taste. My college has actually produced quite a bit of good writers. The major I mainly focused on was psychology and did my previous college that I wanted to go to have it? Yes. Do I believe God closed that door immediately for a reason? Yes. I grew stronger in my faith at college by not focusing on church or anything else except God because I chose to learn more from God.

He had everything planned and if it was a different college I wouldn't have turn out the same. He knows everyone by their heart and their true desires. I believe all relationships with Him are unique and He fully understands that, therefore He works with all sorts of backgrounds and personalities. So for His glory He is acknowledged and glorified. It was my college, my last semester that I had come up with the idea of the series. From the beginning, I was always certain with writing and at the very end of my college schooling it came right back to it.

And... it is because of this college, that through a dear friend of mine, I have found an editor. She will help me with my writing once the series starts and being one of my test readers while I work on the test runs.

4. Testament of others

I have about ten test readers currently and three of them are my main readers (that is they read the pieces as I write them and leave me feedback quite quickly). My current test run of Melissa has went in a completely different direction than what I had last year. I thought I would write a piece about three pages describing a particular scene but when I started my second test run, Melissa's, it became more in story form.

So I've covered more material but also gained my own taste of how I write. I know my style and it takes time to figure out your style of writing. In doing this, because of the more material that I am working with, a lot of different concepts are coming through in the writing. One of the main ones being lessons.

The lessons and guidance I've written about have all ready reached people through my test readers. I've received feedback from my readers telling me that the piece they read was something they were thinking of or something they were feeling. They are all ready connecting to my characters and the characters' stories. You can't tell me, that this is something I'm not meant to do.

If God is reaching people and comforting them through my work, who am I to stop that? I've had someone talk to me about a piece they read in tears and how it comforted them. I don't want people to feel like they are alone and their testimonies of how the writing is helping them only is God's way of showing me this is what He wants.

.....before I end this I just want to share this testimony of encouragement. As I finished writing the last paragraph, my iTunes was playing in the background and I had it on very faint. When I turned the music up, to my astonishment and immediate tears of being recognized....played this song - Silence never Speaks by Jonah 33.

Chorus

We're in a desperate situation

and God gave you a voice.

Cause silence never speaks

and God gave you a voice.

Godly leadership is underrated

and God gave you a voice.

The condition of our nation's understated

and silence never speaks.

(This was the only video I could find that had the song. If you just want to hear the lyrics just put the video in the background. Song ends at 3:36 and the other song playing till the end is This is it, You instead of me.) Of all songs to play after, This is it, You instead of me is a song I chose in High school. God is speaking today. Be blessed everyone and peace be still!

Humility

Trisha — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 20:52:49 GMT

I feel each week has a different theme in which I should write the blog about. I do not however, as you can see, write every week. But this blog is later than when I had expected to write. The Lord continues to show me that His goal will always make light even when it takes time. So let me share with you some of these things.

Last week, I was talking with God and I felt very uncertain with my emotions. I made the statement to Him that whether I have a paid job to help others or not I know that He has blessed me to help others. Just the very next day, I had someone who I hardly knew reach out to me to talk. I felt that He was answering me that He will be the One to provide. And just like He always has, He continues to show me that.

It was also last week that I originally was attempting to write a blog but I accidentally clicked out of the window and everything was erased. I had thought next time in order to prevent that to work on a word document and then paste everything in the blog document. Yet, I think it was for the best. Because there are somethings I want to add on.

Being humble is one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted to do in my life. Being humble is not just about doing and showing kindness. It is a whole part of life. Being humble also does NOT mean that you allow yourself to constantly be walked nor does it allow you to retaliate against another. It simply shows how to shake off the dust after trig and moving on, yet bearing no ill will against anyone.

As a believer, we are called to be humble. But as a believer, I am seeing, the only way to be humble is to follow Jesus and be Christ like. He is the perfect example because He lowered Himself as a humble servant to serve others. I struggle with sharing testimonies among those who boast about being a believer. But today, God reminded me that Jesus taught and shared not only to those who were or who would become a believer but to everyone. Humility is the very same. It is not choosy or discriminative against who is shown it.

Different categories of friendship and Investing in DEEP friendship

Trisha — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 21:38:01 GMT

So I have been thinking and debating about this topic just not with the blog post. It's definitely up on my rant topics so here we go! Deep friendship. What does it mean to me? Why should others try to invest in it? Why do people most likely do not invest in it? All of this and more of course is my opinion. So if you share another view or perspective that is completely okay because everyone is different.

I've noticed, especially within the last few years, that my view on friendship seems to differ a lot when it comes to other people. Here are some categories I've come up with on different friendships I've had in the past and in present. Now these friendship categories are not focusing on one person, I've had these experiences (some have been observed) multiple times and thus they have made their own category in my life.

In no particular order...

1. The Conversationalist Friendship- This friendship heavily relies on pure conversation with no hanging out with the actual person. Sometimes there are one or two occasions where there is a hang out but that's it. Now, for the category, I've experienced a handful and sometimes two handfuls of trying to hang out with said friend. Mainly because I really enjoy their views and I would love to hang out with them with the bonus hope of the person actually making plans and telling me they want to hang out. This category does not include those who cannot actually venture to visit. There is such a thing as long distance friendship which will be talked about later.

Side effects of this friendship-

Crushed hope-The crushed hope of hoping I will finally be able to hang out with this person. I also get upset wondering why I get told "Hey, let's hang out soon." and months go by and nothing.

Feeling of being ignored- It's harder still when I see said friends reaching out to others and telling others they want to hang out, when I've waited for months and the occasion is either forgotten or it never happens.. It's like a slap in face.

Worry/Paranoia- It's the little voice in the back of your mind that asks you what is wrong with you? Why am I the only person it seems to this person that I am not worthy of their time? (This side effect can really mess with your self esteem...IF you let it get to you)

Patience- Now, people get busy and there is a lot of unexpected turn of events that happen in our life. But I think, at least from my experience, those you really do want to spend time with, when the occasion arises, you will find time and it may take weeks or months but it will happen. We don't walk in everyone's shoes and so we don't always know what's going on.

Letting Go- And no I do not mean the version of Frozen. There is scripture that I had to learn the hard way that helped with this. It is ....

Matthew 7:06 "“Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you."

I'm not calling anyone swine but I'm focusing more on the scripture of throwing pearls. Constantly trying to do something that isn't working and consistently being let down isn't the right way. I learned that it's okay to stop trying. When I feel that I've done my absolute best and I'm not reciprocated it's okay to let go. If the person really wants to make an effort then it's that person's turn. And sometimes there will be a joyous surprise and other times I move on.

It also doesn't hinder the fact that this friendship may purely rely just on an occasional conversation. Always remember, that people's interests in life may vary compared to yours. I'm learning this which is what brought up this topic.

2. Get to know friendship- This is pretty much the basis of every new friendship. It can include pure conversation or meeting up and talking face to face. This is pretty much the baby stage of any friendship. Friendship is oddly enough like the dating form of learning how compatible you are with a person. Friendship relies deeply on compatiblity and connection. Even friends with complete opposites still have some odd connection.

Side Effects-

Awkwardness- When you're first meeting people it may be really awkward especially for those of us that are shy. This is why you will see some friendships with a really outgoing person and a really shy person. Those who are outgoing can sometimes be really good at helping others open up to conversation.

Fear- This may pertain to me but I am always aware that meeting new people could go badly. Some people have very strong opinions and they love arguing them. Some people refuse to talk about certain things. Some people will not be friends with particular people for various reasons of beliefs, looks, etc. When you are meeting someone new, you just don't know what that person is thinking. When you know a person even a little bit you have a better idea of what they may be thinking. But when you are walking into completely unknown territory it can be kind of scary. You want to be accepted and yet you also want to share some things in common which may not always be the case.

Potential New Friend- Yes, you may very well find a new friend which is really exciting. Time will only tell what kind of friendship it will become.

Courage- This goes for those of us who get shy around new people, myself included. It takes courage to talk to others that we don't know. For some, they can walk up to anyone and strike up a conversation and for some others it's harder to do that. Let me say that just because a person is shy doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with a shy person. However, it does mean that there can be hindrances occurring in the friend making because many of us who are shy may not always speak up for ourselves when we should.

This is crucial when meeting new people. Just because we are shy does not mean that we will agree with everything a person says nor should we. Therefore, for those who struggle with shyness in general or those who struggle with speaking up this is definitely the time to speak up when meeting new potential friends. You do not have to come across as cocky or with an attitude to show that you have values and you have topics that you agree and disagree with. And if you feel or are aware that you are with a person that wants to have it solely his or her way you can choose right then and there to not be part of that. Saves a lot of future time.

3. Sidekick/ Robotic Friendship- This is the friendship in which you don't really have much say. The friendship is dominated by one person, which is not you. You want to keep this friendship for whatever reason you place and therefore you go along with whatever your "friend" says, does, or wants. Perhaps this friendship is being used as a way for you to appear popular to others and maybe you gain some other friends from it.

Side Effects-

Emotional Distress- The dominating friend's wants can be very needy. You are used as a crutch and only when wanted. This can be very hurtful to yourself and to others who watch you having this kind of friend.

Low Self Esteem- Your independence of this friendship is very nonexistent and therefore it's hard for you to be happy about yourself and your goals when you are constantly focusing on and worrying about someone else who may not be caring at all of how you feel.

Bitterness- This kind of friendship could make you bitter towards others. It may make you turn against and treat those you care for just like said friend. If you are being treated wrong especially under your own choice you have no right to treat others badly.

Potential New Friends- If you stick with this person you are probably going to see others who hang out with this friend as well. It's possible you could gain other friendships this way but you don't know if those potential friends are going to act like said friend. Also, you don't know how said friend may use you for or against those other potential friendships. So you may make a good friendship out of this but if your friend doesn't like your new friend you are going to have some issues. (Just because you're out of high school doesn't mean all adults change)

Loss of Old Friends- If you have other friends who have tried to warn you or tried to help you get out of that kind of friendship and you continually refuse do not expect them to stay. As I mentioned before, people do not have to constantly try and be denied. They have every right to move on too. And if you have a friend who is in a bad friendship and you have tried your best and nothing comes out of it. You have every right to let go of the situation if it's starting to hurt you and that may include that very friend you were trying to protect.

4. The Advice Friendship- This friendship is deeply connected to your friends always going to you for advice. There can be other forms of friendship within this but the root is you are the sole or main counselor/advice giver that your friend(s) go to. Now, in general this isn't a problem but this category is focusing on the fact that besides you constantly giving advice there's not much else of a friendship especially if you do not feel comfortable asking advice of the friend(s) going to you for your needs. Also, if you feel that you are mainly used for a vent session and advice column.

Side Effects-

Carrying the burden of others- I firmly believe that God is the best One to take burdens away because I'm human and I have limits.

Matthew 11:30 "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Now, since I believe that and I have been in this situation it's very hard to take on the burdens of others. People may not realize it but by constantly and I mean constantly (not occasionally going to you with their problems) going to you with their problems, they are making you incapable of doing anything. You see, they come to you for relief and guidance and it's wonderful you can give your friends that kind of relief. The problem is you give and they take while leaving you with their problems and worries. You are incapable of helping the overall situation because in truth it is up to them to make that happen ...not you. This causes you to feel worry, being upset, sad and a bunch of other emotions. This is why psychologists and counselors are paid and not only that but are also trained a bit in helping them not confuse their life with their patients' problems. You don't have either.

The Courage to Let Go- This is a really complicated friendship because it's wonderful knowing that you are helping others. The problem is that though you are helping others you are left with the pain. It also hurts when you feel that you are only needed or talked to when people have problems or issues. The person you have been helping may not understand it but you need to let it go because it is only hurting you.

5. The Renewed Friendship- These friendships are rare and far between. This friendship has went through a tough spot and the two have been separated. Somehow, the two have worked it out and have become friends again. There are a lot of pluses in this friendship because the friends all ready know each other and perhaps this friendship is ready for better communication. But this friendship can also cause problems as well.

Side Effects-

Nothing Changed- This is the main issue with renewed friendships. When people become friends again with the agreement of sweeping past issues under the rug. When friends do not communicate the negative harsh issues they cannot grow as better friends. Therefore, though the friendship is renewed there is no growth from it. When friendship is renewed on an agreement and not from hearing each other out and BOTH UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER'S SIDE the past issues still remain as they are.

In my own experience, these issues may not again be talked about but the friendships are very distant from before and hardly existent because within the time frame of the deceased friendship both parties have changed. That's not to be a bad thing but when you renew a friendship with two changed people the friendship should change as well and not return to the same spot. This could cause issues coming up later in time.

Growth A Lot Has Changed- Renewed Friendship when it comes from the blossoming of opening up past wounds and trying to heal them is the best. I'll give you an example of this. For a few years, I had stopped being close friends with a girl due to what I thought was a few issues. Years later after the speaking to each other had stopped I had grown a bit and I had always wanted to openly try to figure out issues. I felt prepared enough to write her a message and explain my side while also very willing to hear hers. She replied and as we talked it out both of us had been hurt in different areas and some of the areas that we felt hurt in the other had not known about. When we worked the issues out and understood where the other was coming from it really helped our friendship blossom. Now, she is one of the few close friends that I can be completely honest with and even disagree with while still having a very close connection with her. Communication is key in every relationship and both parties need to be able to do it. Even if you want to renew a friendship and work out issues your friend must be willing too. If neither party or only one party can get over the issue and there's still both or one party left holding onto past feelings nothing will be gained.

6. That One Topic Friendship- This friendship has been formed on one topic and unfortunately remained solely on that topic. This isn't necessarily though a bad thing. It's great to have friends who are interested in hobbies, topics, and issues that you are. They understand completely how you feel and see your perspective better in the topic than others who may not be familiar with it.

Side Effects-

There is no other connection- Friendships made from a particular topic or hobby can grow to a full friendship including many more ventures however, not every friendship is like that. Sometimes people will connect on one sole thing and nothing else.

You have a friend to turn to for this topic/hobby- This is a blessing of this friendship. You have someone who shares your interest and enthusiasm for this topic. When you have a goal completed or a rant with this topic in it, that friend will surely be one of the top friends who gets to hear about it first.

Other topics may be shared- You never really know. Friendships can happen in the oddest ways. For a few months, I thought I had only one topic in common with this one friend of mine. We would talk about it all the time and yet at the same time through various conversations of this one topic we found out a lot about each other. It turned out we had a lot in common and she is, to this day, my best friend. We wouldn't have met if this topic hadn't been discussed because the very night I met her out of the blue she appeared when I said the word, "anime".

7 & 8. Long Distance Friendships and Pen Pal Friendships- These I put together because they follow much of the criteria I'm giving each one. The big difference is this. The category of Pen Pal Friendships refer to people who you have never actually met in person versus Long Distance Friendships you have met people but due to a move or such you cannot hang out other than through Skype, mail, email, social media, and phone.

Pen Pal Friendships are the gems of friendships at least in my case. I met a wonderful close friend of mine this way. We began as a one topic friendship as well (hm, I'm noticing a trend here with my close friends) she understood my fears when my husband first joined the military. She was military wife. We began chatting and chatting on social media and then we would share our stories and our backgrounds. We had a lot in common. I have been friends with her for three years and it is one of the stronger friendships I have with people. No, we may not hang out but she makes the effort to contact me as much as I make the effort to contact her. There are friendships in which people live near each other and they can't even do that when they are able to.

Long Distance Friendships are gems like that as well. Sometimes when people do not live as close we aren't allowed the luxury of hanging out as much. Sometimes people get busy and communication isn't used as much. But there is something that connects the two of you as friends and that connection is deeper than most friendships. I have few friends that I do not communicate to as much nor they to me and we always pick up where we have been. One of the biggest secrets to that is that our friendship has years in the making.

Note: You can't really do this to new friendships unless you want to kill the friendship because no one really knows how the other thinks and acts like I mentioned earlier. Every friendship is different and should be treated as such. Therefore, understand (this lesson I'm telling myself too) that just because one friendship works this way for you and a friend may not work for you and another friend. Everyone is different and everyone thinks differently. If you are in a new friendship and don't respond to a friend who is contacting you that may be perceived a bit differently than a friend who knows you.

Side Effects-

Trust- These friendships have passed something that most do not. The trust that things happen in life yet that will not stop you from being friends.

Communication- This friendship is full of communication despite the distance. Even when it takes a bit of time for my friends who are not close in living distance to me they always get back to me. True friends never forget and true friends never leave you behind. Don't do that to them if they don't do that to you. You can lose a really good friend that way.

Reliable- These friends are reliable in response and action. The phrase, "If you need me, I'll be there," applies to them well. Even if you cannot be there physically to give support that doesn't stop you from giving support and it doesn't stop those who are good friends either.

9. The Rare Gem Best Friend Friendship- This is the best friend who shares a lot of things, hobbies, topics and issues that you do but also has their own unique tastes, dislikes and likes. This best friend can be a long distance friend, perhaps early on a pen pal friend, and a one topic friend, but never will place you solely for an advice counselor, a sidekick, and will never cause the friendship to end because both can communicate openly. This friendship has seen the lows and highs of both friends but in those times the other friend was there to lift that person up even when that means you may have to give up something of your own for a bit for someone else. But the feeling is that it's well worth it.

Only Side Effect- This friendship can strengthen you in hard times and share your joy in others. It allows you to do the very same for another person. While ever changing as individuals the friendship only continues to grow. Not every person in his or her life will have a best friend like this so that if you are blessed to have one cherish that person.

10. The Spouse Friendship (and my advice for those looking for potential spouses) - Note: This isn't going to be like the other categories rather how to have one.

When you are married, you are not going to share everything in common. Life is not always going to be blissful. But you share something in common that you shared from the beginning. I mentioned earlier that friendship is like dating when you are seeing how compatible you are with a person and what kind of connection you have. Well, marriage needs to revisit that first step. When you began dating, you found some similar interests in your future spouse. You found not only compatibility and not only a connection but a spark. Some say that the spark goes out of marriage and I can only assume (since I am newly married not even a year yet) that they are referring to the honeymoon stage. Now, I dated my husband for six years and we were engaged for two before we got married. I saw all sorts of highs and lows from him and he did me. But we shared a spark as friends before we dated and we share a spark now.

In fact, my close friends and I share a common spark of interest as well as any friendship in the process or those I have formed in the past. We have all gotten a spark from people in relation to different things that we share. That sparks the friendship but in the end it's not the fact that the spark of any relationship has gone but rather we are the ones who let it die.

In marriage, if we can't even be friends and have to battle for who is right what kind of friendship is that. It's not one. But marriage unlike friendship is on a higher commitment level and yet so many fail to keep it but take a look at friendship commitment. There are very few friendships that STAY true as well because most people are not committed and as seen in friendships if one person out of the two is not committed to the friendship it will still fall through.

Therefore, if you are looking for a spouse look at how that person is with his or her friendships. Not necessarily how that person's friends treat him or her but how the potential spouse treats the friends. Commitment levels can be shown in many ways. And the two biggest things throughout this whole blog about friendships is commitment and communication. In fact, with any relationship you need these two to work.

So for the Spouse Friendship to work there must be commitment and communication from both parities. Friendships go through hard things and marriage will go through more obstacles. The point is that if you are invested in each other and more so in the other person than you are in yourself, you both can grow together as a couple to new heights. Growing as couple, means you change for the better as an individual and together.

---------------------------------

This is why it's important to invest yourself in deep friendship. Investing yourself means being committed to your friends while being honest and open to discussion. If there are issues or disagreements you have with someone, it can't be worked out if you don't tell that person. Also, if that person doesn't want to hear you out you cannot force that person to. But you can work on yourself and you can find the courage to get out of a friendship that's hurting you even when it's hard to let go.

I always look for deep friendships with people because it means something to me to put forth that effort. Not everyone is like that though, and that's okay. I've learned a lot while being honest and open with people. Sometimes, people got offensive and it taught me how to word things better especially when done in a message setting (remember people cannot read TONE). But it definitely also opened up my eyes to how people react to something negative. By negative, I mean most people don't want to deal with situations when there's a problem even when there is someone who wants to fix it or discuss it.

But it also taught me that there are people who are willing to listen just as much as me. There are others who share my ideas and thoughts. I may not be able to make friends with everyone I want to and I'm learning that it's simply a part of life. Despite some of the harsh reality and experiences of the past, all of it has been used for the better. Lessons have been learned and I can help others know that they are not alone. We can all learn if we try to hear the lesson instead of talking over the instructor when things don't go our way. Life may have a downside but blessings can see be seen in the rain.

The Folly of Believers' Focus on the Sin of Others

Trisha — Sat, 07 Jun 2014 22:29:02 GMT

We have all heard it either from ourselves or someone else. "I can't believe so and so did this! It makes me angry they did this! It's so wrong!" Switch it to a perspective of a believer, "So and so is (sinning fill in the blank)! It's so wrong! If they don't change their ways they are going to..." Okay, so you get the picture.

Now, I can't stop every single person, believer or not, to lighten up on their perspective. But, as a believer myself, there has been a few ideas this past week on what my next blog is and this topic kept coming up in a few different ways. The main issue is that many believers have misconstrued ideas that are not supported nor biblically correct. Again, notice the word "many". I've written about this and will probably dive deeper into this one day but the scripture talking about many take the broad way and few find the narrow path....many also refers to believers. Luke 13:24-30 and Matthew 7:21-24

Verse 24 says this, "Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able." If you take anything out of this remember many also includes believers. May we strive to be the few and the chosen, not for the sake of heaven but for the sake of God's glory!

Now, the main topic of this blog. Focusing on sin. This has always been an issue with Christians and the human race. But as believers we are to set ourselves apart. I am always shocked when I hear fellow Christians discuss how they haven't verbally attacked anyone personally and yet people downgrade them and their beliefs etc. First off, as a believer it is WONDERFUL you haven't verbally attacked anyone or have been hypocritical because it's very easy to do this as a believer, which being hypocritical and slandering others isn't right and will be talked about soon. However, as believers....um....well Jesus said it best, "If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you." I suggest also reading more of John 14:18-25.

We, as believers, WILL BE PERSECUTED, WILL BE HATED, WILL BE ATTACKED. May we be the believers who are such without cause just like Jesus (John 14:25). We know all too well the folly of fellow believers as well as the breaking away of the Church. I say "Church" to represent the human church of all churches and doctrines. My dear friend know that there is a much difference between RELIGION and RELATIONSHIP!

Religion focuses on the "correct" way as taught by other humans. Humans that take God's word and uses it against others to do what they want. This causes wars, rebellions, and excuses pulled out of twisted turnings of scripture that make the judgement, condemnation, slandering, persecuting, killing, of HUMANS BY HUMANS justifiable in their eyes! Perfect example, is those of CURRENT faith still using the Old Testament's laws that ARE FULFILLED to stone others. And all the more, using the Lord God as a crutch. God forgive us!

It is the same pain and hurt that our fellow believers, those who truly believed they were doing the work of God, that have caused others to view Christianity as a faith of hatred. And before you and myself pick up stones of bitterness, anger, and self pity understand how justified they are for feeling this way! Jesus, had this same very issue with the ones in charge of the laws of the word of God. He came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). Humans are not meant to replace the position of the Almighty God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Humans are only meant to follow the Lord as their teacher and that by following Him they will become more like Him so that they too may be more Christ like. (Matthew 10:24-25)

By doing this, in becoming more Christ like, we see that we cannot focus on the sins of others. It is not our business and we will be judged as we judge others. We will also be forgiven as we forgive. (Matthew 7:01-06 and Luke 6:37-42) In order to become more Christ like, we need to follow Him. And by following Him we will notice in the scriptures that aside from taking the time to talk about the end of times, He mainly focused on humility, love, faith, and above all a relationship with Him because He is the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through the Son. (John 14:06) We cannot grow in humility, love and faith if we do not have a proper relationship with Him.

In saying this, it's like a reverse summary of what we aren't suppose to do as believers. True believers of Christ will not focus on the sins of others rather focus on their relationship and their personal sins. True believers will be attacked and persecuted without just cause from others. True believers will not be hypocrites and they will strive to reach out to mankind whether it's to a fellow believer or not. Lastly, true believers will follow Christ and become Christ like. True believers are few. Matthew 21:14 "For many are called, but few are chosen."

And now take it back to the original summary I started with. False believers of Christ will focus on the sins of others and believe themselves to be blameless and use excuses as justification. False believers will persecute and attack OTHERS through verbal or sometimes physical ways; and, without question, others will find just cause to be against these false believers thus the stigma applies to all believers. False believers will be hypocrites and they will strive to focus on their religion that attacks others. This will lead to them lifting themselves up and finding guidance in man through the praise of man. Lastly, false believers will not follow Christ (no matter what they may think) and become false prophets, Anti-Christs, and deceivers. False believers are many. Matthew 7:21-23 "Not everyone who says to Me, Lord Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, Lord Lord have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name? And then I will declare to them, I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness."

Last note, this is warning to all and myself. If you focus on the faults of others. If you lift yourselves up and are not humbled, it can lead you to missing one of the biggest points Jesus made. Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit, they are the ones who we aim for and we need to focus on ourselves and our relationship before we "take the plank out of our brother's eye" as scripture says.

He set the captives free so God will be glorified not so that the hatred and death of men by men will be glorified. The red in streets caused by men started by men (Abel's death by Cain) will not be glorified. The final, which is God's war, will end the bloodshed of men by His hand and it will be fulfilled. Only then, will death finally represent a new beginning. All things have come to pass and He will create anew. May we be there to see it.

Writing progress

Trisha — Mon, 02 Jun 2014 19:29:33 GMT

As some of you are aware I am currently working on test runs (backstories in particular and finding individual's voices) on my characters before starting to write my actual book series. The duration of the test runs has been in no way, shape or form anything of what I've expected.

When I wrote my first one, it was about the character Krystal. Her test run was three pages long. I wrote it in June of last year (2013) and I wrote it within a day (excusing continuing edits I added later on). Melissa's test run began in about August. I had just started the second page of hers when I realized I would have to expand on my explanation of the place I was describing.

Krystal's test run was not an issue at the time because I wanted the backstory to focus on the point of where each girl (or later character or villain) would have a moment that really changed their life. Krystal's test run was simply a scene in which she had to make a very ultimate decision. When Melissa's began, I had all ready started to write it in a form of a tale in which multiple explanations to past things needed to be explained before moving on to more current pieces in the character's life.

The document of Melissa's test run remained frozen as it was till about the end of October beginning of November. In which time, I had gotten married and also moved to a different state. I had added more and more new material to my notebook. And as I was getting some more readers involved with my writing, I started again to write her piece since I had all ready decided certain points and what their backgrounds were.

As a writer, you have a lot of different options to go. Your focus could be narrow or broad. I was focusing on a past book series that when I first read it I was like many girls and I loved the heartthrob male character. Yet, years later after seeing the movies and rereading the series. I realized that there wasn't much backbone to the characters. You see, there was nothing holding the characters up besides what I believe is the first layer (the mask) what you initially see.

Some characters in the book series did have a little bit more of a layer including the male heartthrob I talked about but there still wasn't enough. There was one particular character who had an entire chapter devoted to his backstory in one book but he was the only one and he wasn't really needed at all till the third book. Afterwards, he merely falls back into the background as he did in the other books. Even after reading his backstory, when you think of the series he's still not a big character.

I want my characters to have depth and I want even smaller characters to have memorable moments. The character's backstory I just mentioned. All of the focus went to his backstory, yet when the character is seen in the present he's just there and has some lines to be said. He lost his focus and edge once the backstory is gone (and of course after the scene for which the backstory was made for). With my characters, if they get a backstory they will continue to grow and not just for one particular scene.

And not only with thought. So many stories, including the book series mentioned, focuses purely with character's thoughts. The character thoughts guide the reader but thoughts in general can paint very big pictures. The way the world is worded by the character gives depth and meaning or at least should. It's crucial because the reader needs to relate to this.

Just because a reader can relate to thoughts about how a character is feeling isn't enough. There needs to be more expansion and more challenging elements both for the character, for story progression and for the reader. Which I know, can be troubling for some readers.

Some readers, do not want to expand or think on a deeper level because when constantly done it can be exhausting. Therefore, there needs to be an equal amount between thought provoking moments and more easy to follow scenes and dialogue. It doesn't have to be only between a war battle of two groups and characters enjoying themselves and resting before the battle. Gradually things will be more complicated and gradually they will become more simple.

The aim for equilibrium is the fact that my story (the overall book series is referred to as "the story") has quite a few elements of fantasy, yet there is a lot of truth and reality woven in simultaneously. So though it's a fictional story, it's very much lifelike. And in life we are faced with both the complicated and simple. And detailing is all about that.

Which is why all of this is so crucial to my writing. In order to further with the test runs, certain ideas and character backgrounds of other characters need to be established and agreed on. As a writer of course, elements and thoughts can change throughout the process. But my overall goal is to have the ground foundation laid out before the series writing begins. The foundation pieces I'm looking at includes:

1. Scenery -all of the lands being affected, what special places and items are there and what are the looks of the different lands

2. Backstory -of every immediate character needed for each particular book which in this case relates to the girls of the team, the main leader, leaders, all of the villains and perhaps some mini backstories of particular characters that play other roles.

3. Pace -this is huge which I had just started to calculate last night. For example, the girls meet each other at different ages and different times. Age is a huge factor for both the girls and the villains. Age helps me figure out different parts about the characters and what they acted like at the time and how they talked. This also helps me add in pieces between the books of what the character is now doing and how they have changed. Pace also helps me figure out what happens in each book leading up to the finale.

4. Easter eggs -this term I learned from a dear friend. What it means is that there are certain key pieces that will be touched on in the books and later revealed. When it's decided, what parts will be revealed later, it's much easier to know where to place them in writing.

5. Minor characters or those that don't hold a role as much as the main but are still very important- I'm sure as I write the series some new characters may be added and some taken away. But there are some characters that need to be figured out before the series starts because they place a huge value on plot.

These elements will help flesh out my foundation and it's no easy task. I have four different main areas (main lands) each with three lands in them as well as two more private worlds to be touched on later. I have six people in the team and four villains as well as four leaders. And be assured, not everyone will be included all at once nor in the same book.

Pacing also has a lot of work to be done, as well as the easter eggs, which leans a lot into characters and scenery. There are a few characters created all ready that are minor compared to the main but there is still much to be worked on.

So yes, that's the plan so far and the progress. Writing can be exhausting and tiring but if in the end I have a story that is worth telling....well the wait and work is worth it. Till next time, always stay strong.

Note: The pictures shown are collages I've made to have a more hands on look at character look and personality choices about the character. Since I mentioned the two test runs (Melissa's being the one in current process) I thought I would share them. Personality is represented in a lot of ways including clothing choice. Krystal is more reserved, serious, and precise so she has more of a classy look while Melissa is positive, full of life, and gentle so she has more of a bright look.