I am currently sitting outside on our balcony/porch, we live on the second floor so we have a balcony like area but it's more like a porch. Either way though, I'm definitely grateful for it. The weather is confusing. The reports so far keep saying that it will just be a cloudy day but there are some dark bluish gray clouds nearby. I wonder if it will start raining. I finally got my butt outside to write and yet writer's block seems to get in the way. 

I read recently that when you have writer's block the best thing you can do is...write. Even if it does not make sense or relates to the project you are stuck on. You see, I have the basic plan of how I want the story to turn out. But, there are always the pieces you need to fill in so the reader knows how you got from A to B. These pieces are crucial and yet...very hard sometimes to figure out. So I want to share a little about my story. 

I had the idea in 2013 the very beginning of the year in January. It is based off of an idea/game/story I created when I was very young. It started out when I was four and continued to grow. When I was younger, I referred to the game/story as, "The Four Roads." I lived by a four way and as a child I grew to associate the different roads with whatever was the most common place I saw. The first one which led to the village, once you follow the zig zag way for a few minutes and reach town, right by the stop sign to the right is the library. So as a child, this became, "The Library Road." The second road, was termed, "The Golf Course Road," because as soon as you turn on the road there is a golf course to the right. The third road was named based off a place that my dad would always go to. This place actually was not close like the past two. The third road was named, "The Fish Road," because my dad, when I was younger, had a big fish tank and he liked having different fish. He would drive this road a lot to go to the fish store. The yellow faded house that was once the fish store is still there but the owner has long gone. The fourth road was actually a street and therefore its name came much later, eventually it was named after the street, "The Hickory Flats Road." 

(I smell rain as I write and as I look up raindrops are falling down.) 

It may have sounded silly to many. I got teased about the Four Roads a lot when I was in elementary school. I would draw a map with the roads and the different places in town that were on the roads. My mom always thought I would grow up and draw up maps for people. A few years ago actually I decided to do my adult final map of the Four Roads. But you see, it had expanded since the original four. I had designed a place named the Four Roads with four main roads but each of these main roads had two other roads on them. 4x3=12. Since all roads in a four way connect in the middle I split the middle into two small roads (which you can't really do but as a child I did not really care about that and I embrace my childhood wish so I never played with logic when it came to imagination). So the total amount of roads was 14. My final map contained not just my small village but 6 other towns and cities.

As I grew older, I continued to play the game I had created. It was a past time that made my childhood alive. So many people talk about how high school are the best years of your life and I personally had better years when I went to college. But my childhood honestly contained the best years. As a child, you are not always aware. For those blessed with a family bond, given by love and protection, you have security by those that are around. I was not aware of what was going around me and so I was able to create a world not influenced by others for me. 

In this world, I was a leader. I was the leader of a team with other girls around my age. I was looked upon to do what was right and to fight against those that did wrong. When I was 8 years old, I had a vague idea of the woman I would look like when I got older. Last year and up to two weeks ago (before I shortened my hair), I looked like the woman I envisioned at 8 and when my hair grows out a little my hair will be exactly like the vision I had. 

I wanted to give back to God. No one understands the full meaning and impact of the imaginative game I created at the age of 4 except Him. You see, when I was 4 that was the year I gave my life to Christ, outside by my swing set during a bright sunset. I remember the day still. I was by myself and no one guided me through the process. I think that moment kind of reflected what my relationship with God would be like from the first moment I received Him as a Friend. He would be the One who could teach me even when others would not be able to. He would be the One standing by me even when I was alone. And right across the area where I talked to Him was the four way cross. 

In Jeremiah 29:11 God says that He knows what plans He has for us. I think the Four Roads was one of His biggest plans for me. When I was 8, I also began to associate more to God. I gave each road a color and by the time I was 12 those colors represented God. 1. Red- Blood, 2. Blue- Cleansing, 3. Green- Growth, and 4. Yellow- Glorification. But when I got older and there were 14 I always wondered if I could come up with 14 meanings to relate to God. 

Two years ago, December of 2012 just right before finals week my senior year of college. I was having my meltdown talk with God. These are talks where I completely melt down usually tears, complete vulnerability, and raising my hands to Him. Right then and there, I came up with 14 terms that are apart of a relationship with Him. 

1. Trials

2. Cleansing

3. Growth

4. Joy

5. Long suffering 

6. Righteousness

7. Determination

8. Thankfulness

9. Tribulation

10. Faith

11. Endurance

12. Glorification

13. Jubilation 

14. Unity 

These are the 14 words that describe pretty much everything with a walk with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and yet it still related to my original four. 2013 was a huge year for me. I graduated from college. I got married and moved away from friends and family while also becoming a military wife. That's a lot in one year. But the list was not yet done because the first on the list of things that started in the beginning was a story for adults that came from the eyes of a child. 

My story will have a leader based off of the trials and experiences I have had with God and others. My team besides her will have girls not based off of anyone I know. Their personalities will be varied so that there should be at least one character every reader can relate to, if not more than one. I strive for this overall story to speak. I refer to it as a story but in reality I am planning on a six book series. Currently, since 2013 (last year) I have bee writing what I call "test runs". These are short stories explaining the girls' particular back stories. Writing these help me form an individual voice for the girls. It helps me come up with how I want the story to flesh out. I am a big fan on connections. I want everything to connect because in my life even when things never made sense at the time at some point later in my life it connected and made sense. I want my villains to stand out as well. I want the different lands, yes there are four different lands to represent the original four roads, to have their own uniqueness and quality. I know the project itself will take a lot of time. But something God has been teaching me since 2013 especially is that if He wants it to be done, it will be. Also, no matter what may happen if God does not want me to get hurt or be in a situation He will protect me from it. That's why faith and trust are so hard and that is also why I want to continue to push my faith. 

I know some may think it's stupid, silly or crazy to write a series based off something I created as a child and I could understand why. Just like I understand why the kids taunted me when I was younger because they didn't understand. They weren't part of my imagination so how could they? So for anyone who thinks it's a dumb idea or for anyone who has been told like I have once, "You can never be a writer," it doesn't matter what other people think. I have been pushed aside by others for my ideas or thoughts and I know I am not the only one. 

When I was younger, I looked at myself as a leader within. I had friends especially at the time often tell me that I wasn't a leader, and yet when the situation called for it I would be the one who was strong for my friends and those close to me. My brother alone, can verify that when he was younger. I may have tortured him the way that older sisters tend to with little brothers but if anyone else tried to torture him there would be problems. As I got older, I started to realize that what people were telling me was wrong. 

I was a leader. Sure, I may not grab everyone's attention, lay down a map and tell everyone let's go find us an adventure. To be a leader, it's not really about that. I learned, even at this moment, that being a leader is about people looking up to you for help, whether or not they view you as a leader themselves. Face it, if you look up to someone for advice, a confidence boost, or direction, even if you do not look at that person as a leader, you put that person in a leader position and therefore even if you don't want to admit it, you just made that person a leader in your eyes for that moment and situation. 

Yet everyone wants to give up those moments and think they are not important. But they are. How else can we grow? One moment can determine how a person views you, it can shatter the past for the good or the bad. To me, it's not about telling yourself you are a leader, it's about how others view you and how they respect you. So many people in this world are willing to tear each other down and yet while people frown on that, and I do too, we forget we are the first to tear ourselves down in the mind and in the heart. 

We not only taint how we view ourselves but we taint any encouragement we have gotten from others. If we want anything to change, whatever the circumstance, we must be the ones to change first. I've noticed the best way for people to change isn't to tell them they are wrong. It's not about showing them that you are better or have a better way. All you have to do for people to change or at least consider is relate to them. We all want to be understood especially those of us who have hard exteriors because of the walls we built around us. Those walls were usually built to keep out those who have hurt us. 

My story is a story of love, power, strength, kindness, patience, humility. All of the 14 word meanings and more. I'm not trying to change people's view on faith. Rather, I want to show others what God has done for me. It's a story painted with words in a fairy tale setting. A story that promises the reader that you are never truly alone. You do not have to face this world by yourself. Someone is watching out for you and you will have at least one friend in life who is meant to lift you up. 

There is so much violence, gore, horror and sex in movies and books now. These elements are what the books and movies are revolved around. I want my stories to be focused on the characters and the lessons they learn. I don't want their stories to have a lesson at the end that is just thrown in and soon forgotten. I want their story to be relatable and we know that in life, lessons are learned often it's about whether or not we can follow them. 

The biggest lessons are the ones I have learned. There will always be another way that God provides. You cannot give up on people because if you do then why should someone not give up on you? There is a reason why life takes patience and if everything was handed to you there would be no greater gain, just selfishness. 

I will prove, that I can write, to the professor of journalism who never looked at my work just told me, once she heard that I wrote poetry, that I "will never become a writer." I will show people the messages I've been given since I was 4 and show them that they too are leaders. We all need to be leaders when the time asks for it. There is a time to follow but there is a time to stand up as well. Never give up my friends because as God has taught me, "there will always be another way."