Every time I have tried to explain this concept it always gets twisted and complicated. There are a lot of factors as to why I want to write the series. Writing, especially when you start out, is not a favored "job" among many. I've experienced a lot of different opinions and thoughts on my choosing to write. I do not always speak the best when talking to people face to face. And I can always explain myself better in writing. So let me take the time to finally fully explain myself. 

I had an early blog about my writing explaining some of the symbolism and I will lightly touch on that now but will not be as extensive because it's not needed here.

1. God 

First and foremost, my writing since when I really got into writing poetry at 13 has always been focused on God. Now, I'm not saying that writing in itself isn't one of my hobbies. It is. But I'm focusing on the series. And God is the reason that I am preparing to write the series. (Since working on the test runs and overall stories for the entire series)

He has always been there for me. I do think sometimes in life maybe there could be things that happen that do not show a connection. But God always makes Himself extremely clear. When I was four, that was the year I gave myself to Jesus. I was by myself when I did this, by my swing set. I've always said that I feel it was a marker from that day to show that God would always be the One to lead me. Even when no one else understands or understood why I did or do the things the way I have and continue to do, God does. 

It was this SAME age that began my fascination with creating the game of what I called "The Four Roads." It was simple and my immediate family would know just exactly how fascinated I was with it. I got teased a lot by family and friends and classmates because of it. It was my thing. 

I got older and I went from having a childhood game to just using the number 14 and the colors I gave to associate the 4 mains parts to connect with God. My graduation cake for college actually was a picture of the Four Roads because He taught me a lot of symbolism and lessons through it. It was always "our" connection that no one else had and no one else understood as easily as I did. 

I believe He gave me that concept when I was four to now work on this series. To expand it beyond just the number game and beyond the imaginary team I played with when I was four. This will be my crown to Him. And I can't and will not let anyone else's expectations of me get in the way of that, family or friend. I will put God first and this will be His. This is for His glory. 

2. Others 

In saying that, throughout my life, God has always touched on my heart to reach out to others. I've always been the one to listen and eager to help with advice. I've given advice beyond my years, not in the bragging sense, in the sense that I will talk to someone and my words will help. Then I'll look back and be like...did I just say that. There are no rights to bragging because this is not my strength alone. 

This is God's way of showing me that He will speak through me. This is His way of letting others know that He hears them. We are called to be bearers of Light and if we are then He surely will show through us. And beyond everything I want Him to speak through me. 

I'm like Moses. I need an "Aaron" to speak for me. And I think that God has provided that through my writing. I told God that as long as I have Him to guide me with HIs words, even if it's hard, I will let Him speak through me. In saying that, He has placed it on my heart to reach out particularly to the misguided believers. 

Jesus says that it is worse for people to know God and turn than for those who never knew God. There are so many hypocrites in this world that tarnish faith. There are false shepherds that even will turn the elect away. And this is scary and sad. And it is also this misguided believers that harden the hearts of those making it so that they never want to have a relationship with God. They see the hurt and pain "believers" give to others and of course they think why God would do this? 

This series is to help reach to both sides. To those who don't have a relationship and yet maybe they still want Someone to help them but they don't want to be like the hypocrites. To those who need to get shaken in their ways and faith to see that humans are NEVER meant to be the Judge of people's sins and where they end up when they die. 

It's to show that through hardship, we can survive through it. What it means to be a good shepherd and how to reach out to others in the right way without being self righteous. It is for everyone that I write this series for. To help give a piece of hope in the midst of darkness, hypocrisy and stone throwing believers. 

3. Testament to myself 

This series is teaching me trust in God. I know concerns of some people. That I am a housewife and that I do not have a job. My husband and I are comfortable right now with me being a housewife. Especially with putting my new goal of writing a page a day, I am quite serious about this. This is one of the few things in my life that I really care about. And with modern society, being a housewife purely taking out a child factor, isn't really looked upon as right unless you have a child. 

But I never said, that if my husband came to me and said I needed to make some extra cash for us, that I wouldn't do that. Something that I know people may struggle with me saying is that God has always provided for His prophets and His disciples. So many people put trust in money and others, so why is it so wrong to put my trust in the Alpha and Omega? I think this is why scripture says many know love and they have it but who has true faith? 

Faith is going beyond what we can see. If I could see in the future, if I knew that this series would be a success would others view my decision differently? But we can't know, and uncertainty is something that man was born with. It causes fear. But the God that I believe is certain. And so instead of placing what I know in the hands of money and others, I will place what I do not know in the One who does! 

I've said it before and I"ll say it again. This isn't about money. I want to glorify God and I want to reach others. But I believe God will provide for me and for my husband. He has gotten me this far....this far why should I put hope in anything else. I still have my degree. And speaking of that degree...

When I started to write I was 13, that was also the year that I wanted to go to a Christian college. I wanted to go to it for years after I decided when I was 13 that I would go there. When I was a junior in high school, I was all about a creative writing degree, not the best choice in many people's opinion. The college that I longed to go to for four years did not have that program. My mom insisted however that we still check out the college. 

I was very upset because I was just so certain about this college not working out. Needless to say, that is exactly what happened. We went and I opened up by bringing some of my writing. We found a professor in journalism but she also touched in some other aspects of writing. Before she even read my work, she torn it down. She said I would get no where with my writing. And that was a clear signal finally to my mom this was not the college. Certain vs uncertainty. 

Now, the college that I did attend to I was like many students and I did change my major. I just didn't like the structure and the conforming for the writing program. That isn't to say that it is a bad program, however, that was just my personal taste. My college has actually produced quite a bit of good writers. The major I mainly focused on was psychology and did my previous college that I wanted to go to have it? Yes. Do I believe God closed that door immediately for a reason? Yes. I grew stronger in my faith at college by not focusing on church or anything else except God because I chose to learn more from God.

He had everything planned and if it was a different college I wouldn't have turn out the same. He knows everyone by their heart and their true desires. I believe all relationships with Him are unique and He fully understands that, therefore He works with all sorts of backgrounds and personalities. So for His glory He is acknowledged and glorified. It was my college, my last semester that I had come up with the idea of the series. From the beginning, I was always certain with writing and at the very end of my college schooling it came right back to it. 

And... it is because of this college, that through a dear friend of mine, I have found an editor. She will help me with my writing once the series starts and being one of my test readers while I work on the test runs.

4. Testament of others 

I have about ten test readers currently and three of them are my main readers (that is they read the pieces as I write them and leave me feedback quite quickly). My current test run of Melissa has went in a completely different direction than what I had last year. I thought I would write a piece about three pages describing a particular scene but when I started my second test run, Melissa's, it became more in story form. 

So I've covered more material but also gained my own taste of how I write. I know my style and it takes time to figure out your style of writing. In doing this, because of the more material that I am working with, a lot of different concepts are coming through in the writing. One of the main ones being lessons. 

The lessons and guidance I've written about have all ready reached people through my test readers. I've received feedback from my readers telling me that the piece they read was something they were thinking of or something they were feeling. They are all ready connecting to my characters and the characters' stories. You can't tell me, that this is something I'm not meant to do. 

If God is reaching people and comforting them through my work, who am I to stop that? I've had someone talk to me about a piece they read in tears and how it comforted them. I don't want people to feel like they are alone and their testimonies of how the writing is helping them only is God's way of showing me this is what He wants. 

.....before I end this I just want to share this testimony of encouragement. As I finished writing the last paragraph, my iTunes was playing in the background and I had it on very faint. When I turned the music up, to my astonishment and immediate tears of being recognized....played this song - Silence never Speaks by Jonah 33.

Chorus 

We're in a desperate situation

and God gave you a voice.

Cause silence never speaks

and God gave you a voice.

Godly leadership is underrated

and God gave you a voice.

The condition of our nation's understated

and silence never speaks. 

(This was the only video I could find that had the song. If you just want to hear the lyrics just put the video in the background. Song ends at 3:36 and the other song playing till the end is This is it, You instead of me.) Of all songs to play after, This is it, You instead of me is a song I chose in High school. God is speaking today. Be blessed everyone and peace be still!